1
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,840
How about the other half?
Eh?

2
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:56,880
Another one of those.

3
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,600
Oh, ta. Have you got a large one?

4
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,040
I've had no complaints so far.
LAUGHS

5
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,840
Seeing's believing.
You won't need a magnifying glass!

6
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,280
Oooh!
Heurghh-heurghh!

7
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,560
Here we are.

8
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,480
No, no, no. Have it on me...
if you know what I mean.

9
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,920
Oh! You don't have to draw me
any diagrams.

10
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,840
Pity. I was just going to get
my ballpoint out!

11
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,120
Yeah, and write your name
in the froth with it, I suppose.

12
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,880
Bottoms up.  Is that what it is?
You could have fooled me.

13
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,120
THUD

14
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,480
Evenin', all.

15
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,720
Hello, Cora.
Harry.

16
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,680
Usual, ta.

17
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,400
Vic, see to Harry.  I thought
he'd been seen to years ago.

18
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,400
Well, how are they hanging?
Empty.  Soon fix that up.

19
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,160
Not for me, ta.
I've just had dinner.

20
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,240
I hear you're going on your holiday
tomorrow, then.

21
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,040
Just a weekend.  All right for some.
Taking the missus, too?

22
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,640
No, she won't go abroad.
Doesn't like flying.

23
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,400
And someone has to look
after the pub.

24
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,560
It's a package deal.
17 quid, all in.

25
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,000
Thank you. W-where are you going to?

26
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,080
Some new resort in the Med.

27
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,040
Oh, for heaven's sake, Vic!
Tell him.

28
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,520
It's a place called Elsbels.

29
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,040
Hey! Elsbels? The island?

30
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,320
Yes.
Tomorrow?

31
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,360
Blimey.
There's a coincidence for you.

32
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,840
What is?  Sadie's going there
on the same trip!

33
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,000
Get away.

34
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,240
That's right, isn't it, Sadie?
You're going to Elsbels.

35
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:34,280
Me? Oh...yes.
I thought of going. Why?

36
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,320
Well, Vic's going on the same trip.

37
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,560
Really? Well, fancy that!

38
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,360
Have a good trip.

39
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,040
Get off.

40
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,720
Well, that's it.
How about a nice cup of tea?

41
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,280
You filthy, rotten, stinking beast.

42
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,280
What have I done now?
Don't come the innocent with me.

43
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,080
You and that Sadie Tomkins!

44
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,440
(HIGH-PITCHED) "Are you going on the
same trip? Fancy that! Fancy that!"

45
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,520
Well, I don't fancy that at all.

46
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,240
What are you talking about? It's the
first I've heard of it. Straight up.

47
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,240
Don't lie to me.
You've obviously both arranged it.

48
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,880
Arranged it? If I'd known
she was going, I'd have cancelled.

49
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,080
Good, because that's exactly
what you're going to do.

50
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,400
As late as this?
I'll lose my deposit money.

51
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,800
You'll lose a damn sight more
if you don't.

52
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,000
Oh, have a heart.
I need this holiday.

53
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,760
I can't go without it
just because she's going.

54
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,480
If she's going,
you won't be going without it.

55
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,560
What? Cor blimey, I wouldn't touch
her with a bargepole.

56
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,720
No, but you would
with anything else.

57
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,880
Oh, no wonder you never mind
going on holiday on your own.

58
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,440
Now, that's not true. I've always
begged you to come with me.

59
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,840
All right, then. I will.

60
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:50,080
Flying. FLYING.
You don't like flying. Remember?

61
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,120
I don't like washing floors,

62
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,920
but I'd rather do that
than you get some other scrubber.

63
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,080
I'll see the travel agent first
thing in the morning.

64
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,400
Hello there. Afternoon, Miss Dobbs.
Lovely day for it.

65
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,640
That's what they all say,
but it won't get you anywhere.

66
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,240
I meant for the Elsbels trip,
Miss Dobbs.

67
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,080
Oh, I say! I'm awfully sorry.

68
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,320
That's all right. Any time.

69
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,520
Let's leave the sightseeing
till we get there, eh?

70
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,880
Good afternoon. Lovely day for it.

71
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,400
That's what they all say.
I bet they do.

72
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,040
Or did you mean the trip?
No, what I meant was... Never mind.

73
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,920
It's Mr and Mrs Flange,
for the weekend to Elsbels.

74
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,000
If you'd like to take a seat, sir.
You're not due to leave just yet.

75
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,360
Hello.
How do you do?

76
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,600
Are you girls going to Elsbels?
Yeah, that's right.

77
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,240
Oh, very nice.
I'm Vic Flange. That's my wife.

78
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,120
(DULLY) Oh. Hello.

79
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,280
Never mind, love.
Better luck next time.

80
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,920
The coach is here,
and some of the party.

81
00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,960
Well, we may as well
get them aboard.

82
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,920
Of course. Mr Farquhar...

83
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,280
I want you to know how thrilled I am
to be with you this trip.

84
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:18,760
I feel we're going
to be wonderful together.

85
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,480
Miss Plunkett,
you're squashing my itinerary.

86
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,280
Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I keep
forgetting what a big girl I am now.

87
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,320
Well, shall we get them out now?

88
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,560
Why, Mr Farquhar!
The people for the coach, I mean.

89
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,160
Oh, those. Yes, of course.

90
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,600
Good afternoon. You may board
the coach. Have your tickets ready.

91
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,720
Coach?
I thought we were going by air.

92
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,160
We have to go by coach
to get to the airport.

93
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,160
But you didn't say that.
I don't like coaches, either.

94
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,680
Blimey! You're determined
to have a good time.

95
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,760
Ah, thank you. May I wish you both
an extremely happy holiday.

96
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,800
Oh, thanks. Come on, Marge.

97
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,880
That's enough of that.
Sorry. My arms are aching.

98
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,400
Your eyes will be, too, before long.
All right. All right.

99
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,400
Excuse me. Is this the Elsbels
coach?  That's right.

100
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,120
Oh, good. Excuse me.
Well, don't mind us!

101
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,680
Quite a nice day, though.

102
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,760
Blunt. Mr and Mrs Stanley Blunt.

103
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,160
Do you have a ticket?
Do we look like stowaways?

104
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,440
No, not at all,
but I have to collect them.

105
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,880
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Stanley - tickets.

106
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,600
Tickets, dear? Yes.
Er... in my trousers pocket, dear.

107
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,840
Well, produce them.
Oh, why are you always so helpless?

108
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,520
(WHIMPERS)

109
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,280
For heaven's sake, keep still.

110
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,320
Aaaarghhh!

111
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,880
(GIGGLES)

112
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,160
Oooh! Back! The back pocket!

113
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,040
Why on earth didn't you say so?

114
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,640
There.

115
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,280
Now, come along, and stop making
such an exhibition of yourself.

116
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,920
Ah, good afternoon, sir.
Your tickets?

117
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,520
Here we are.

118
00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:00,400
Thank you, Mr Flange. Correct.
You're travelling with Miss...

119
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,640
Er...no. Mrs.
Mrs Flange. Mr and Mrs Flange.

120
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,640
Oh, but I've got you down
as with Miss Tom...

121
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,680
No, no.
That was all changed this morning.

122
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,360
Oh, you've just got married?
Oh, congratulations!

123
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,400
No, no, I...changed the booking.

124
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,120
I was coming on my own,
but then she changed her mind.

125
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,440
What's the trouble, Vic?
Nothing, darling. Nothing.

126
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,360
You got it?
Two tickets. Mr and Mrs Flange.

127
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,720
If you say so, sir.
I do say so.

128
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:24,960
Come on, darling.

129
00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,440
I hope there's some young ones.

130
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,480
Oh, stop worrying, Marge. They said
a party of young blokes was coming.

131
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,040
I certainly hope so.

132
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,720
Now, don't forget, Eustace, dear.
None of that oily food.

133
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,880
And take your syrup of figs
every night.

134
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,560
Yes, Mummy. But do stop worrying.
I shall be quite all right.

135
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,520
I do hope so, dear

136
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,160
but I shall be praying to Him
to keep your bowels open.

137
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,720
That will not be necessary!
It's the least I can do.

138
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,960
Goodbye, dear, and take care.

139
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,520
Yes, dear.

140
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,280
Ah, good afternoon, sir.
(EFFEMINATELY) Oh, hello!

141
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,320
Have you got a ticket?
Yes, I have. Have you?

142
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,760
Of course. I'm the courier
for this party.  How nice.

143
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,400
Ah, Mr Tuttle.
You're travelling alone?

144
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,480
Yes, I am. Mummy has to stay
behind to look after the hamsters.

145
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,080
Oh, really?
Yes.

146
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,040
Left alone, they start mating.
Oh, how interesting.

147
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,280
No, it isn't.
It's all over in a flash.

148
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,840
Oh, I meant to tell you, dear.

149
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,440
Keep your woolly vest on,
even at night.

150
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,520
Yes, Mummy...and goodbye.

151
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,880
Oh, and when you do go, always put
plenty of paper down first.

152
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,000
You will look after him, won't you?

153
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,600
We look after everyone
on a Wundatour, madam.

154
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,040
Yes, but he's not like the rest.
I can certainly believe that.

155
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,400
He's very delicate and not used
to being away from home.

156
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,760
Excuse me.
What is it? What do you want?

157
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,880
You're blocking their passage.

158
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,160
Yes, and that would never do,
would it?

159
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,560
Oh, I'm sorry. Goodbye, dear.

160
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,360
Goodbye, Mummy.

161
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,400
Excuse me.

162
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,960
Thank you. Hello.

163
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,280
How about these two?
Quite dishy!

164
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,720
Mr Tweed, Mr Phipps.
Would you like to take your seat?

165
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,160
Thank you very much.

166
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,600
Hello.
Hello.

167
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,400
Do you mind, please, sitting down?

168
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,960
Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?

169
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,160
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

170
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,240
(SCOTTISH ACCENT) Hey, son.
Is this for the dirty weekend?

171
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,640
This is the four-day trip to
Elsbels, if that's what you mean.

172
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,680
Same difference, isn't it? Ha-ha!

173
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:48,560
Have you got a ticket?  I don't
expect to get it for nothing.

174
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,960
Not the holiday, anyway! Ha-ha!

175
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,560
Oh, Mr Conway, yes. Will you
take your seat on the coach?

176
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,040
Well, I canna leave it behind,
can I?

177
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,560
I'll need it to drive
the old point home.

178
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,400
Ha-ha! Ha-ha ha-ha!

179
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,560
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

180
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,320
Hello there.
All ready for a wild weekend, eh?

181
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,480
Oh, well. Maybe not.

182
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,520
(EFFEMINATELY) Hello.

183
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:26,040
Well, where's all the crumpet, then?

184
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,000
I don't think they give us any tea.

185
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,880
No, no. Women. Birds.

186
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,640
Oh. I did notice a couple
of young ladies, back there.

187
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:41,680
Oh, no, son.
That's jail bait, that is.

188
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,840
"Touch me
and I'll tell my dad" stuff.

189
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,560
Hey, that looks a bit more like it!

190
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:52,560
I'll just give her a hand
with her bags.  Allow me.

191
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,480
Oh, ta.

192
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,200
Be careful. It's not well...

193
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,280
fastened.

194
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:01,840
Heurghh-heurghh!
That's torn it.

195
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,440
Oh, I'll do it.

196
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,400
It took me a long time
to get all that in there.

197
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,520
I'll bet!

198
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,840
Men!

199
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,160
We can't possibly leave yet.
There's a party of 12 men to come.

200
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,760
There! What did I tell you?
12 of 'em!

201
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:33,880
Miss Plunkett's checking them now.

202
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,680
Ah. It's all right. Here they come.

203
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,840
Please! Please, working!
Why not working?

204
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,880
Standing, leaning on shovels!

205
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,400
We four and five storeys
yet putting up. Work!

206
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,400
These English people
coming for happy holidays.

207
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,960
You very loving foreman...
We no work like this.

208
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,400
Look at this.

209
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,360
Let's go.
No, no.

210
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,520
It's nice here. Look.

211
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,760
Are forgetting shovels.
Little shovels. Small diggings.

212
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,400
Santa Cecilia! Floella! Floella!

213
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,840
Floella! Floella!

214
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,320
Floella!

215
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,400
Floella? Floella?

216
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,280
Floella?

217
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,640
Floella!

218
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,400
Floella? Floella?

219
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:07,480
Floella? Floella?
Peoples, peoples are here!

220
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,200
What can I do,
I've got enough troubles

221
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,960
with the blooding stove, don't I?

222
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,800
(HISS)
Aaaah!

223
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,840
Floella, these are our first guests.

224
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,160
If we not making success, we is
getting the sacks from the owners!

225
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,080
We got to make them welcome, baby.

226
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,840
Giorgio!

227
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,400
Make nothing with no bloody food!

228
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,560
And no bloody staff!

229
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,680
OK, OK, it's my fault
we've got no bloody staff.

230
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,360
Where's Giorgio?

231
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,560
How should I know?
On his bloody arse, I suppose.

232
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,600
Giorgio! Get off your bloody arses,
the people get here!

233
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,800
Giorgio!

234
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,680
Giorgio.
Si, Papa?

235
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,240
Waking up! Making readies!

236
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,040
People coming. A load of sheets.
Si, Papa.

237
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:13,080
Ladies and gentlemens,
welcoming to Palace Hotels.

238
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,720
Oh, we...
are in the right place, then?

239
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:20,160
Yes. This is number-one first-class
hotel on islands.

240
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,560
Entering, please,
but minding wet cements.

241
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,360
This way.

242
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,400
(ALL GRUMBLE)

243
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,920
This is very lovings, no?

244
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,000
I beg your pardon?
Oh, you mean lovely? Yes, very nice.

245
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,160
Is all brand-news. Tables not sat
in, chairs not sat in, lavatories...

246
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,960
Yeah, we needn't go into that.
Is the manager here?

247
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,480
Er...yes, yes. I fetch him.
One moment.

248
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,120
Yes, well, I think we shall be
very comfortable here.

249
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,360
It'll be all right
when it's finished.

250
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,720
Oh, you won't let a little thing
like that spoil your holiday?

251
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,720
Welcoming, ladies and gentlemens.

252
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,280
Welcomings. I am Monsieur Pepe.

253
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:15,000
But you were the doorman.
Me? That's Mario, my brothers.

254
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:19,520
Oh, I see. I'm the representative
of Wundatours. Stuart Farquhar.

255
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,880
Stupid what?

256
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,320
Stuart. Stuart Farquhar.

257
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:29,840
I think he was right the first time.
Mr Farki-Hars. Letters for you.

258
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,160
Good. I wondered
if you were expecting us.

259
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,360
Certainly, I'm expecting.
My wife is also expecting.

260
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:38,800
Yes, well... this hotel doesn't seem
to be quite finished.

261
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:42,400
Not finished? Oh, it's nothing.
A little bit of building to finish.

262
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,400
Four or five floors. That's all.

263
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,560
Four or five floors?!
You have got room for us, though?

264
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,960
Glad you mentionings.
As a matter of factings...

265
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960
(WHISPERS)

266
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,600
CLATTERING
Nasty, blooding stove!

267
00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:01,440
Oh, excuse me. The chef
is not speaking so good English.

268
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,720
Well, could you show us
the rooms you have?

269
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,440
Me? No, no, no. I fetch the porter.

270
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,920
Porter!

271
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,560
This way, please,
ladies and gentlemens.

272
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,720
It is outrageous, asking us to share
a room just because we're married.

273
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,160
I...I don't know, dear.

274
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,560
I thought it was quite reasonable,
in the circumstances.

275
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,840
You didn't resist.

276
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,680
Any man with half an ounce
of gumption would have refused.

277
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,720
Oh...I...actually,
I thought it might be quite fun.

278
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,440
Fun? Fun?

279
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,040
Well, it is quite some time
since we did it.

280
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,240
Erm...shared a room, I mean.

281
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,480
Stanley, you're not going to try
to use this as an excuse

282
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,600
to start that nastiness again?

283
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,680
No, dear, of course not. No.

284
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,000
I should hope not. You know I need
a bit of peace and quiet.

285
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,680
Well, I can assure you
that I need a bit, too.

286
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,720
Yes, well, we'll just have to try
and make the best of it.

287
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,600
Now, I am going to get undressed,
and have a nice, hot bath.

288
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,440
Oh, that's...a jolly good idea.

289
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,520
Well?

290
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:25,320
Er...yes, well, I'll just go out
onto the balcony.

291
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,080
Don't forget
to keep looking the other way.

292
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,760
We've got a shower.

293
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:54,800
That's something. Open the windows,
and let's get some fresh air.

294
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,000
That's a good idea.

295
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,880
What's the matter with it?
It's stuck.

296
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,120
Excusings, please.
You liking towels?

297
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:14,000
Yes, please. Er...excusings.

298
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,680
Do you think you can do something
about the windows? They won't open.

299
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,640
Not openings?
No.

300
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,280
Holdings, please.

301
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,480
One minute, please.

302
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,640
It is easies, no? Thankings.

303
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,680
KNOCK ON DOOR
Just a minute.

304
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,440
Please excusings. You like towels?

305
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,000
Stanley!

306
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,920
Yes, dear? What is it?

307
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,320
Oh, I say.  For heaven's sake,
Stanley, do something!

308
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,080
Yes, dear.

309
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,240
Dash it all!

310
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,280
This isn't good enough.

311
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,280
Can't you see my wife's undressed?

312
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,320
Yes, I see, I see. She is
very lovings. You very lucky mans.

313
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,160
You think so?

314
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,160
Yes...big hip...

315
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,480
small waist...and boom-boom.

316
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:19,120
Stanley, will you get him
out of here?  Now, look here...Ow!

317
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,880
I feel as though I were
in a cattle market.

318
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,360
Yes, dear, I see what you mean.

319
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,120
Oh, hello!

320
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,360
Aaaarghh! Stanley!

321
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,000
Stanley!
Coming, dear.

322
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,120
Stanley, there is a man in our bath.

323
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:55,800
What? Well, what sort of man?

324
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,080
What does it matter?
They're all the same.

325
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,120
Well, yes. I'll just go and see...

326
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,960
I say, I'm awfully sorry!
Aaaarghh!

327
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,800
Not to worry. It's only Mr Tuttle.

328
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,680
But why is he in our bathroom?

329
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,760
Your bathroom? But it leads off my
room.  I think I'm going to go mad.

330
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:18,520
No, hang on. Before you go anywhere.
I think I'd better go and check.

331
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,640
PHONE BUZZING

332
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,600
Receptings.

333
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,680
Yes, my wife has a complaint.
You wanting doctors?

334
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,720
No, no, not that sort of complaint.

335
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,400
She's been to the bathroom,
and there's a man in it.

336
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,240
Oh, it's all right. We not making
extra chargings for this.

337
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,600
You don't seem to understand.
This is a private bathroom - no?

338
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,640
Is right.
Is private between two rooms.

339
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,680
But then that's hardly private,
is it?

340
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,120
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Give me that phone.

341
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:55,520
Hello. I wish to make
a strong...complaint.

342
00:22:55,520 --> 00:23:00,640
I've never had a trip like it in my
life and with such fearsome people!

343
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,800
Have you ever seen anything like
them? I swear they're all odd.

344
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,480
Isn't that typical? I'm going
to give them a piece of my mind.

345
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,200
Oh, lay off it, Rob.
We're only here for four days.

346
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,640
No, I've had enough.
I am taking no more. Hello?

347
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,120
BUZZING
Excusing, please.

348
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:24,640
Receptings.
I have a complaint to make.

349
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:29,200
Complaint? Er...one minute, please.
I hand you over to Room Servicings.

350
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:35,560
Hello? About the bath...I am handing
you over to Room Servicings.

351
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,040
Oh, for heaven's sake! Hello? Hello?

352
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,600
Ah, room Service?

353
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:43,720
And about time. Now, listen. My
drawers have got no bottoms in them.

354
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,840
What? Who is that?

355
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,000
I want Room Service.

356
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000
Well, so do I. Get off the line.

357
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,800
(RATTLES PHONE) Room Service?

358
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,040
Ah. It's about our bathroom.

359
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,720
Aaaarghh!

360
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,960
I want to complain.

361
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,560
Er...one minute, please.
I giving you Room Servicings.

362
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,880
Hello?

363
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,680
I've just found
there's no back to my wardrobe.

364
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,520
What? What? Who is that?
Is that Room Service? Room Service?

365
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,680
I wish to report a man in my bath.

366
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,240
Oh, go away. Go away!

367
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,640
Er...mind if I shower first?

368
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,960
Oh, go ahead.
I'm going to wash my hair.

369
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:40,960
Hello?

370
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,440
RADIO PLAYS JAZZ

371
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:50,160
MUSIC STOPS

372
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,640
MUSIC RESTARTS

373
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,240
MUSIC STOPS

374
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,720
ELECTRICAL FIZZING

375
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,960
SHE SCREAMS
Blimey!

376
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,120
Vic, what are you doing in here?

377
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:33,400
Get out of here!

378
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,120
I'm sorry, if I'd known you
were in here, I wouldn't have come.

379
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:39,680
Yes, all right, just get out of here
quick before somebody comes in.

380
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,680
You haven't got any soap
on that bit.

381
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,200
Get out of here!

382
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,160
I thought this was our bathroom.
I didn't realise there was a door...

383
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:54,520
What do you think of that?

384
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,920
I've never been so humiliated.
Where's the phone?

385
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,360
CONSTANT BUZZING

386
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,200
Well, everyone seems happy enough
now, I'm glad to say.

387
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,160
There is one matter I would like
to take up with you, Monsieur Pepe.

388
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,760
No, no, it's not Monsieur Pepe.
I getting him. You take.

389
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,440
For me?
Yes, it's Room Servicings.

390
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,680
Oh, I see. Yes.

391
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,840
Hello. Room Service.

392
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,520
There is a man in my bath...

393
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,320
With no bottom...
And nothing on the other side.

394
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,400
And as I bent over...
There she was, starkers.

395
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,200
When I pressed the thing...
And tried to plug it in...

396
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,920
Sand shot out of it...
And soaked me from head to foot.

397
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,400
Now it won't work at all.
Just one moment, please.

398
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,360
BUZZING

399
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,800
EXPLOSION
Oh! Oh! Help!

400
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:53,960
Aaaarghh! Help!

401
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,280
Lovely night. Funny how everything
looks better in the moonlight.

402
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,800
Pity we didn't have it
in our bathroom, then.

403
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:06,000
Don't keep on about it. How was I to
know we shared a bathroom with her?

404
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,400
But you struck up a conversation.
A gentleman would have left.

405
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,320
I was very embarrassed.
I didn't know which way to look.

406
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,280
You mean at which one.
Yeah... Oh, no, this is ridiculous.

407
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,800
I bet you're always the same
on holiday. You become an animal.

408
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,760
Right. There's only one way to deal
with that, then.

409
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,600
And where are you going?

410
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,080
To get myself doctored!

411
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,320
Oooh!

412
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,480
Yoo-hoo! Hello, girls.
Hello, Mr Tuttle.

413
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,760
I say, how about another little game
before dinner, eh?

414
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,200
No, thanks, Mr Tuttle.
Come along, Marge.

415
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,240
Ohh! Hey, I'll get you!

416
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,800
(HOLLERS)

417
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,560
I think I'll get a breath of fresh
air before supper, Brother Martin.

418
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,360
Evening.

419
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,560
Hello there. Are you having one?

420
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,600
Yes, thanks. I'll have a beer.
What's it like?

421
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,560
Well, I canna make up my mind
whether it's gnat's or cat's.

422
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,600
You're making me homesick!

423
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,200
Oh, no, Mr Tuttle. No more.
You're too old for it.

424
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:15,160
Oh, come on. You do enjoy it.

425
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:19,600
I don't.
Oh, just once more. Bend over, dear.

426
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,400
All right, then,
but this is the last time.

427
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:26,040
Here I come!

428
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,080
Ooooh! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

429
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,920
Oh, please, let me help you.
Oh, thank you.

430
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,800
I can manage.

431
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,520
Oh, all right. I'd like to apologise
for that wardrobe business.

432
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,760
Don't bother.
I hope you enjoyed what you saw.

433
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,800
Oh, yes! I mean...

434
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,880
Ohh! Will you let go of me?

435
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,160
Aaaarghh!

436
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,280
Here's your skirt.

437
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:03,480
Your skirt...

438
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,760
Oh, it wasn't his fault.
It was an accident.

439
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:11,360
I'll see to it.

440
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,960
Poor girls. I'll give them a hand.

441
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,840
I'm sure they can manage quite well
enough without your help.

442
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,400
Get a load of that, then!

443
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,760
That's the best bet of the lot, son.

444
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,160
How do you know?  Well, I got
the old green light, didn't I?

445
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:39,680
You did?

446
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,640
Begging for it... Pity.

447
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,000
Pity?

448
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,040
Makes it awkward. You know
what happened to her husband?

449
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,600
What did happen to him?

450
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,920
(WHISPERS)

451
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,360
Rat poison? She told you that?
Why? Don't you believe her?

452
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,240
Oh, yes. I was just thinking of her
first husband. Nasty business.

453
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,720
Why? What happened to him?

454
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:05,160
(WHISPERS)

455
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:06,560
With an axe?

456
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,720
Next morning, they found him dead
in the swimming pool.

457
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,360
Hey, George! Give us a large whisky.

458
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,400
Good evening.
Good evening, everyone.

459
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,400
And what a lovely one it is!

460
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,760
There he is now. Go on. Tell him.

461
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,080
Er...yes.
(CLEARS THROAT) Yes, dear.

462
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:33,360
Mr Farquhar, my wife...
That is, we...

463
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,440
Well, the fact is, we're not
altogether happy about the...

464
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,480
Well, that is...

465
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,320
Oh, for heaven's sake, Stanley!

466
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,600
My husband is trying to say
this is the most appalling hotel

467
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,480
in which we have ever stayed.

468
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:47,960
BOTH: Hear, hear.

469
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,560
(UNCTUOUSLY) Oh, no.
Don't be like that.

470
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,760
We're the first guests they've had.

471
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,320
They're bound to have
teething troubles.

472
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,400
More teething troubles
than a crocodile with pyorrhoea.

473
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,120
I am confident that things
will get better.

474
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:04,880
They need to, if I'm going to get
a shower every time I take a leak.

475
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:09,880
Now, I think we'll all feel a lot
better when we've had a good dinner.

476
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,440
FLOELLA: Aaaarghh!

477
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,040
I can't do with the blooding thing!

478
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:17,000
If we are going to get any dinner.

479
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,160
Aaaarghh!

480
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:28,040
Why do we have to have a coke stove?
Why can't we have electric-tricity?

481
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,640
Santa Cecilia! How many more times?

482
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:34,440
Because cook is more dependable
than the electricities.

483
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,880
But it don't burn! Look!

484
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:42,920
Mama, Mama. All is needing
is methylating spirits. Wait.

485
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,720
Watching.

486
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,200
So, cook. Cook!!

487
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,800
Aaarghh!

488
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,040
Excuse me, Monsieur Pepe.

489
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,840
We were wondering about dinner.
They're waiting.

490
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:04,800
I'm sorry, Mr Farki-Hars. It's late.
we are having troubles with stove.

491
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,840
It's all cock, you see.

492
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,280
I beg your pardon?
And with no wind, it is not burning.

493
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,320
Oh, you mean coke stove.

494
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,360
Yes, is right. Cock stove.

495
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:19,000
But not to worry. Is OK. Soon you
have first-class number-nine dinner.

496
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,520
Number nine? Oh, good.
With free wines.

497
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:25,600
Excellent! I'll tell them.
Giorgio!

498
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:30,320
Putting one bottle on each table,
with compliments of mismanagement.

499
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,800
Yes, Papa.

500
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,280
Mama, Mama! Hurry with the soups.

501
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,680
If you'd all like
to take your places.

502
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:41,920
You'll find the seats marked.

503
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,560
Yes, I'm three.
Here we are.

504
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,080
Ah, good evening,
ladies and gentlemens.

505
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,600
Bon appetits. Bon appetits.

506
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,360
Well, it seems
we're sitting with you.

507
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,480
Well, that's the luck of the draw.

508
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,520
We haven't been introduced.
My name is Blunt. Stanley Blunt.

509
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,560
This is the wife, Evelyn.

510
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,880
Delighted to meet you.

511
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,440
Vic? Vic!

512
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,240
What?
How about an introduction?

513
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:21,480
What are you talking about?
You know me.

514
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:22,960
To Mr and Mrs Blunt.

515
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,480
Who are they? Oh!

516
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,720
How do you do? I'm Vic. Vic Flange.

517
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,560
This is the wife. Don't laugh.
Heurghh-heurghh!

518
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,160
Oh! I'm with you.

519
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,800
(NERVOUSLY) That's nice.

520
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,240
I expect
it's because we're on our own.

521
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,280
Well, I'm not on my own.
I'm with Tuttle.

522
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,560
Oh, I see.  No, he's supposed to sit
here with us.

523
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:54,200
Oh, well,
there is safety in numbers.

524
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,520
I hope so.

525
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,360
Vino.
Ah, excellent. The wine.

526
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:06,800
"Spanish-type, Australian-French
Burgundy. Produce of Hong Kong."

527
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,000
Clumsy.

528
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,040
Beautiful wine for a beautiful lady.

529
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:26,920
Well, was that supposed
to be a compliment?

530
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:28,400
You'd better taste the wine first.

531
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,480
Ha-ha! Watch it.
He'll be pinching your bottom next.

532
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:35,040
Not for me, thank you.
No? Don't drink?

533
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,000
I tried it once and didn't like it.

534
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,280
Oh. Have a smoke?

535
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,280
I tried it once and didn't like it.

536
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,640
Strange.  Not at all.
My daughter is just the same.

537
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,440
Your only child, I presume.
Heurghh-heurghh!

538
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,640
Yeurghh-heurghh! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

539
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,080
(SNORTING)

540
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,080
Oh! Just in the nick of.

541
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:00,840
(SMOOTHLY) Hello.

542
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,880
Hot soups.

543
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,720
Is good.  Better get in quick,
before it evaporates.

544
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:15,320
For what we are about to receive,
O Lord, make us truly thankful.

545
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,160
I don't think
He could have heard you.

546
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,800
Er...what is this?

547
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,400
Soups. What you are calling
Brown Bristols.

548
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,520
No, Windsor. Brown Windsor.

549
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,920
Yes, yes. Is good, no?
No, we expected some foreign food.

550
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:43,560
Foreign? That's foreign. You not
thinking we eating this rubbish?

551
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,920
Well, I hope you show more
imagination with the main dish.

552
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,960
Ah, that is specialities
of the house.  Ah.

553
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,080
Sausage, beans and chippings.

554
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,120
Is that all?
That's plenties.

555
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,160
But isn't there a choice?

556
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,360
Choice? Of course you having
choices.

557
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,560
You can having sausage
and chippings,

558
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,040
sausage and beans,
or beans and chippings.

559
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,840
That's choices.

560
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,880
Choices!

561
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:14,840
Not again! Mama, why you not using
methylatings, like I am telling you?

562
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,440
Is - no - good!

563
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,840
Is...good!

564
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,680
Standing back. Look. Back.

565
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,600
What's happening?

566
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,880
This is not methylatings.
This is vinos.

567
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,760
(BOTH COUGH)

568
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:46,000
Please excusings.
There's slight technical hitchings.

569
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,080
(ALL COUGH)

570
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,640
Oh, for heaven's sake,
let's open some windows.

571
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,240
Ow! Oh, I've been bitten.

572
00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:00,160
Mosquitoes. Millions of 'em.

573
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,960
Well, everything is all right now.
No?

574
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,840
Who is opening
the blooding windows?

575
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,600
Floella! Giorgio! Getting the flick!

576
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:52,760
What the hell's that?

577
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,160
Five o'clock!

578
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,800
DRILLING

579
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,360
It's five o'clock.

580
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,760
BUZZING

581
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,680
Stanley.

582
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,960
(SNORES)
Stanley!

583
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,400
Stanley...
Uh?

584
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,160
Do you want something, dear?

585
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,800
(SHOUTS) Will you get out of bed

586
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,160
and do something
about that dreadful noise?

587
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,080
BUZZING

588
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:40,000
My head! It's splitting.

589
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,640
Oh, what a shocking noise!

590
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,480
Can you hear it, too?

591
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,560
Well, I'm not standing for that.

592
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,960
Come on.
We might as well get out of bed.

593
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,920
Lily!
What? Aaaarghh!

594
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:52,000
Vic! Vic! Look up there.

595
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,840
HE MOUTHS

596
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,200
Moira!
What is it?

597
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,320
Look out!

598
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,680
Oh, really! Haven't they
ever seen anyone washing before?

599
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,480
I want a word with you.

600
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,160
Mr Far-ky-arse.

601
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,840
If it's for complimenting
on breakfast, it was nothings.

602
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,760
No, you're so right,
it was nothings.

603
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,960
No, it's about
all this building noise.

604
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,840
It's all right, Mr far-ky-arse.

605
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,240
Work is now stopped
till Monday morning.

606
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,440
Oh, well, that's one blessing.

607
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,560
I understandings, Sir.
You like a piss.

608
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,920
No, not just at the moment,
thank you.

609
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,200
Piss and quiet, no noises.

610
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,720
Oh, yes, yes, exactly.

611
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,560
Ah.

612
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,360
Welcome, sir.
Are you two on your own here?

613
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,840
Yeah.
Yes. What about it?

614
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,080
You like to meet nice girls
in Elsbels?

615
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,440
Yeah, great.
Certainly not.

616
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,640
What kind of a person
does he think I am, anyway?

617
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,360
I have never had such a night.
I am absolutely covered with bites.

618
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,200
What have you been up to, you old
devil?  Mosquito bites. Look.

619
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,760
Trouble with mosquitoes - no taste.
They don't care who they bite.

620
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,080
Well, they're eating better
than we are.

621
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,600
I think I'm going up to change now.

622
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,960
In the meantime, Stanley, could you
do something about our room?

623
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,600
I was cold in the night,
and there was no hot water.

624
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,640
The toilet doesn't flush.
That coffee is cold.

625
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,560
Oh, and that sun is too hot.

626
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,480
Apart from that, she's loving it.

627
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:51,680
Well, I think I'll just go up
and grab a bit of fun. Er...sun.

628
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,440
Bring my sun cream when you come.

629
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:56,760
All right, love.

630
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,240
Do you know, Mrs Flange,
you're an extremely handsome woman?

631
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:04,880
Really?

632
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:08,960
I might even go so far
as to say...desirable.

633
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,120
Fancy. Another roll?

634
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:15,440
Do you believe in free love?
I prefer bacon and eggs. To rolls.

635
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:19,040
You're not answering my question,
Mrs Flange.  Not so fattening.

636
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:23,240
Do you believe in free love?
I'm certainly not paying for it.

637
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:25,240
(BOTH LAUGH)

638
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,080
(SHRIEKS) Mr Blunt!

639
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,440
I'm sure your wife
wouldn't like that.

640
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,120
That's just it. She doesn't.

641
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,520
Yes, well,
I think I'll go to my room.

642
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,360
Good idea.

643
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,280
Five minutes?

644
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:45,000
Yes. Er...no! No, I'll...

645
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,040
I'll see you down here later.

646
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,640
(GROWLS)
What are you doing here?

647
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,320
I've just come to have a little talk
with you. That's all.

648
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,960
Well, I don't want to waste time
talking to you.

649
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,680
Good, cos I've only got a couple
of minutes.  Oh, no, you don't.

650
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,800
I've got a bone
to pick with you, Vic.

651
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,720
Fine. I could do with a nibble.

652
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:18,040
I had a chat this morning
with Bert Conway.  What about it?

653
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:21,920
He said you told him I'd drowned
my first husband in a swimming pool.

654
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,320
You told him
you'd poisoned your second one.

655
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:27,520
Well, that was before I knew
he was the only available man.

656
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,680
Oh, have a heart. It wasn't my fault
my wife decided to come.

657
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:33,600
Well, I didn't invite her.
What did you tell Conway?

658
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,640
The truth. You know perfectly well
what my husbands were.

659
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:41,320
Yes. They were both firemen.  Right,
and both of them died on the job.

660
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,160
Oh, Sadie...
CORA: Vic, are you there?

661
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,400
Oh, cor blimey!
Get back inside. Quick.

662
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,040
I...er...
I think you dropped something.

663
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:57,600
Good thing I came along,
because she mightn't have noticed.

664
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,800
Cora, Cora, just a minute.

665
00:44:02,240 --> 00:44:05,400
I say, that's interesting,
Brother Bernard.

666
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,720
Directions for finding the tomb
of St Cecilia,

667
00:44:08,720 --> 00:44:11,000
the founder of our order.
(DULLY) Oh, that's nice.

668
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,160
Isn't it? It is believed to lie
in the middle of the island,

669
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,400
about five miles north of the port
of Elsbels.

670
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,200
If we follow them,
I think we might get somewhere.

671
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,440
Do you think we should?

672
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,880
Ah, well, that is what we came for,
isn't it?

673
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:28,440
Is it? I thought we were going
to find the tomb of St Cecilia.

674
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,560
That is what I am talking about.

675
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:34,080
Oh, I'm sorry, Brother Martin.
I was thinking of something else.

676
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:37,960
If we made an early start, perhaps
we could have lunch in the village.

677
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,000
You fancy that, Brother Bernard?

678
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,440
Not half.

679
00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:45,480
Well, let's get started, then.
Are we going?

680
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:49,360
Of course. I've just said so.
Well, I'll just finish my coffee.

681
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,080
All right. We'll all meet in front
of the hotel in ten minutes' time.

682
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,200
Hello.
Hello.

683
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,000
Lovely, isn't it?

684
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:01,720
Yes, beautiful.

685
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:07,440
Come along, Nicholas.
You promised to help do my hair.

686
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:08,840
Ah, push off.

687
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,480
I see.

688
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,560
Ahem.

689
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,720
Oh, hello.

690
00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:30,680
Morning. I'd just like to apologise
to your friend about her skirt.

691
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,040
Oh, forget it. Shhh.

692
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,000
Why don't you get some clothes off
and get some sun?

693
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,880
No, I couldn't do that.
Are you really a clergyman?

694
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:42,080
No, I'm a brother.
Oh, you mean a monk?

695
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:46,160
Well, not exactly. It's an order.
We do missionary work.

696
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,360
Oh. Saving fallen women,
and all that?

697
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,360
Well, that's part of it, I suppose.

698
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,160
How many have you saved?
None. I've just joined.

699
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,880
Well, if you want to start on us,
you're too late.  I know that.

700
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,840
What I mean is, I'm sure you're both
capable of looking after yourselves.

701
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,320
We haven't got much option here!
Would you do my back for me?

702
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:06,760
What?

703
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,800
Oh, yes, of course.

704
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:18,800
Ooh, that's smashing!

705
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,400
Brother Bernard!

706
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,920
Oh, that moron!

707
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,600
Good morning, Mrs Blunt. Oh.

708
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,840
Stanley.
Yes, my dear?

709
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,880
I'll have my chair over there.

710
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,240
Oh, Bert, you must tell me about
your hobby. I just adore old prints.

711
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:09,320
Really?
Mmm. I've got a couple of beauties.

712
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,480
Yes, I noticed that!
Oh, saucy!

713
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,840
There we are.

714
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,880
Now, how's that, dear?

715
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:18,920
No. Too much in the sun.

716
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,720
Oh. Excuse me.

717
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:22,760
Thank you. There we are.

718
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,240
Is that all right now, dear?

719
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:28,280
Too much in the shade.

720
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,440
Don't bother to ask me if I'd like
a chair!  I wasn't going to.

721
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,960
Oh, Cora, come here.
Don't be stupid.

722
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,800
Morning, everybody. Ha-ha!

723
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,640
Hang on. Let me give you a hand.

724
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,280
Oh, I can manage, thank you!

725
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:11,880
Er...may I help you, Mrs Flange?

726
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:13,920
Oh, thank you very much, Mr Blunt.

727
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,440
Thank you.

728
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:07,520
Hello. Hello. Good morning,
everybody. What a lovely day!

729
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:14,440
That's right. Enjoy the sunshine.
Something you can't muck up.

730
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:19,120
Ah, well, Wundatours especially
chose Elsbels for a holiday weekend,

731
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,760
because of its wonderful
sunshine record.

732
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,080
THUNDER

733
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,440
(SHRIEKING AND SCREAMING)

734
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,840
It's only a shower.
It'll clear up later.

735
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:35,360
It's probably raining in London.

736
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:47,320
Don't blame me. It wasn't my fault
we couldn't find the wretched tomb.

737
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:51,200
Perhaps it got buried.
Of course it did. It's underground.

738
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,160
Maybe we'll have
better luck tomorrow.

739
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,720
If we don't have to look
for a toilet for you again.

740
00:49:55,720 --> 00:49:58,760
Well, I couldn't help that.
After all, I'm only human.

741
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:00,800
Sometimes I doubt that very much.

742
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,840
Here, that was underground.
Do you suppose it could...

743
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:05,520
Well, it was just a thought.

744
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:09,640
Still raining, I'm afraid.

745
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,160
Oh, how I loathe excursions.

746
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:16,320
Traipsing round filthy foreign
markets, sitting in nightclubs.

747
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:20,800
Yes, well, I mean...you don't have
to go if you don't want to, do you?

748
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:25,320
I shall be quite all right
on my own.

749
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:28,960
Well, what else is there to do?
Sit around here, doing crosswords?

750
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,360
Well, it's getting on for seven.
Oughtn't you to be...you know?

751
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,800
I am waiting for you to go,
so that I can get dressed.

752
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:42,680
Hello.

753
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,680
I don't know why
you encourage that big nit.

754
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,440
Oh, he's nice.

755
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,440
I knew it was a mistake coming here
with you. Anything in trousers.

756
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,840
Hark who's talking!
Anyway, he's not wearing trousers.

757
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:10,320
(GIGGLES)

758
00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:33,600
Do you mind if I sit next to you?

759
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:34,960
Not at all, Mr Blunt.

760
00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:39,640
You're the only person I've got
anything in common with on the trip.

761
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,200
Well, thank you very much. Very nice
of you to say so, Mrs Flange.

762
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,520
(CHUCKLES) Good!
Now I've heard everything.

763
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:49,200
Well, thank goodness
it's stopped raining.

764
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:53,080
Right. Everyone here, Miss Plunkett?
Yes, I think so.

765
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:57,000
What about your wife?  Oh,
that's all right. She's not coming.

766
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,080
She...she has a headache.

767
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:04,040
Makes a change from a pain in
the neck.  Wait for me! Wait for me!

768
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,400
All right, driver. Off we go.

769
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:22,320
Have they gone?
Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, lady.

770
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:25,040
Oh, how dare they?
Where is Monsieur Pepe?

771
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,520
Not here. They have gone out
for the evening.

772
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:33,000
What am I going to do? How could
Stanley do this to me? How could he?

773
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,080
Er...just a minute, lady, please.

774
00:52:36,720 --> 00:52:39,760
You like?
Champagne?

775
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:43,040
Yeah. Make you feel very good.
Very happy.

776
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,600
Oh, no, I never...

777
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:53,520
Yes. All right. I will.
Thank you, Giorgio.

778
00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:12,320
Excuse me, Mr, you like postcards?

779
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:14,360
Very interesting!

780
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,480
Miss Plunkett, didn't you want
a postcard to send to your mother?

781
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,400
Yes.
Oh!

782
00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:23,920
Any good?  No, I'm afraid
they're quite unsuitable.

783
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:25,960
Ooh, are they naughty ones?
Do let me see!

784
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:27,600
Certainly not! You filthy beast,

785
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,400
be off with you,
before I call the police!

786
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:30,880
I'm terribly sorry, Miss Plunkett.

787
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,520
What can you do with a man
like that?

788
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:35,680
Nothing I can think of...

789
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:37,720
but I know what you could do
with a man like me!

790
00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:40,440
Mr Flange, may I remind you,
you have your wife here.

791
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,800
Yep, that's what you can do
with a man like me. Haha.

792
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:49,520
Oh, Bert, you mustn't,
it's much too expensive!

793
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,640
Nonsense. Here!

794
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:53,800
Let me put it on for you.

795
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:59,600
You've gotta have
the matching bracelet, too.

796
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:02,960
I mustn't!
Come on, let me put it on for you.

797
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,440
All right?
It's beautiful.

798
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,720
You know,
I could buy everything here.

799
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:17,440
Oh, look at this lovely lace set.

800
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:20,280
Very nice!

801
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:23,040
Here, let me put...
No thanks!

802
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,520
You've bought me quite enough.

803
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:28,320
I wonder what this is:
Santa Cecilia's Elixir?

804
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,400
Oh, some local quack medicine,
I suppose.

805
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:35,000
Oh, no, sir. Is not medicine.
Is for l'amoura.  Pardon?

806
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:39,320
Liqueur... for making plenty
of passion.

807
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,960
Get away.

808
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:43,640
Yeah. You try, sir. Is good.

809
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,560
Drink it. Drink it.

810
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,080
Anything happened?

811
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:04,600
(GROWLS)

812
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,240
Oh, I wonder
what that place is there.

813
00:55:12,240 --> 00:55:13,960
The one with the red light outside.

814
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:20,240
Oh, I...er...I expect that's the
local fire station.

815
00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:22,280
But there are girls in there.

816
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:25,880
Mmm? Oh, I expect
they're the fire belles.

817
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:29,640
(LAUGHS) Oh, Stanley,
you're so witty!

818
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:35,720
CORA: Oh, look.
Woo-hoo!  Hello!

819
00:55:35,720 --> 00:55:37,200
Come in. It's nice inside.

820
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:41,640
Come and have some fun.
Come on, boys. Come in.

821
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:49,040
That was a delicious meal, Giorgio.
Perfect.

822
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,480
And for a perfectly delicious lady.

823
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:56,320
(CHUCKLES) Do you know, I'm glad
I missed that horrid bus now.

824
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,360
I too am glad.

825
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:01,360
ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

826
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:05,120
May I, please?
Well, it's been some time since I...

827
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,480
Yes, please.

828
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,600
Well, here we all are.
Everybody enjoying themselves?

829
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,840
No.
Oh. Well, how about you?  No.

830
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,640
Well, never mind.
It's the nightclub soon.

831
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,960
(DRUNKENLY) What have you done
with my wife?

832
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,720
Me? I'm afraid
I haven't the foggiest idea.

833
00:56:59,720 --> 00:57:02,160
Don't give me that. She's with
that twit Blunt, isn't she?

834
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,600
I really don't know, Mr Flange.

835
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,800
Oh, there's Miss Plunkett.
Perhaps she'll know.

836
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:11,200
Miss Plunkett!
Coming, Mr Farquhar.

837
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,840
Let's see.
How many more are we to come?

838
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,080
I'm not leaving without my wife!

839
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:19,240
Yes, all right, Mr Flange.
All right.

840
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:25,240
(SHOUTING) Dirty pig!
You insult my fine ladies.

841
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,360
We were only playing leapfrog.

842
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:29,360
Porco! Pig!

843
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:33,520
Oh, that settles it. Charge!

844
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:35,800
FARQUHAR: Oh, no, Mr Tuttle!

845
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,800
They'll kill him!
We'd better get in there quick.

846
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:41,160
That's the best idea
I've heard today.

847
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:43,120
Wait for me.

848
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,440
Mr Tuttle's in there.

849
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:48,720
What's going on?
Oh, your husband's in there.

850
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:50,920
What?!
With Mr Conway and Mr Tuttle.

851
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,440
Oh, well, he's coming
right out of there.

852
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:56,480
(MADAME FIFI SHOUTS)

853
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,160
(LAUGHS)

854
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:03,920
Put him down! Get off, will you?

855
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:05,760
If you please!

856
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:13,080
Nicholas! Nicholas, come back.
You'll get hurt!

857
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:31,960
Please, Miss, let him go!

858
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:34,160
Oh, shove off!
Go, rescue somebody else.

859
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,200
Get off him!

860
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:50,000
No, come away.
Listen, dear. Come away.

861
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:57,240
Oh, dear! Ohh!

862
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:02,400
WHISTLE SOUNDS

863
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:12,160
Get off!

864
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:15,680
(SCREAMS)

865
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,600
Excuse me.

866
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,560
Aaaghh! No! Aaarghh!

867
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:55,120
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

868
00:59:57,160 --> 01:00:00,280
Please! Please!
One at a time, gentlemen. No?

869
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:05,800
Please, let me handle this.
It doesn't do to antagonise them.

870
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,480
Now, then, to start off with,
I feel I should point out

871
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,080
that we are all British subjects.

872
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:14,320
I know, and you have
my deepest sympathy.

873
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:19,200
Yes, quite. I don't want to make an
international incident out of this.

874
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,160
That is most kind of you, sir.

875
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:26,040
But I must protest most strongly
about being detained in this way.

876
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:27,480
Naturally, sir.

877
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:30,880
I realise you were only doing what
you thought to be your duty,

878
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:34,120
and provided you release us
immediately, I can safely promise

879
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:38,080
you will hear no more about it.

880
01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:40,800
That is a most kind gesture sir.

881
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,400
I think we can safely make it.

882
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,920
And now I have
an appropriate gesture.

883
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,040
Yes?

884
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,360
Damned filth.

885
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,760
How dare you,
do you know what you just did?

886
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,360
Well, that is a fine old British
gesture, no?

887
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:58,920
You've tried my patience too far.

888
01:00:58,920 --> 01:01:03,080
I know about you people. Give them
a uniform, and they go power-mad.

889
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:08,960
Well, I'm not going to bandy words
with an jumped-up popinjay like you.

890
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:12,520
I demand to see the Chief of Police.

891
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:14,680
I am the Chief of Police.

892
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:18,680
BERT: Go on. You're doing well.
Let me try.

893
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:20,800
Chiefy.

894
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:24,440
We know we're in a spot of bother,
but things can be arranged.

895
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:25,720
Indeed, sir.

896
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:29,160
Well, just tell us the charges,
and we'll sort something out.

897
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,960
With pleasure, sir.

898
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:34,280
You are charged with disturbing
the peace, damage to property,

899
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:38,640
and, most important of all, assault
upon the girls of Madame Fifi,

900
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:41,680
thus resulting in a most serious
loss of business.

901
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,600
(CHUCKLES) That's ridiculous. You
know very well they assaulted us.

902
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:47,560
Oh, indeed, sir?

903
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:51,720
Do you doubt our word against that
of an old boiler who runs a bro...

904
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:54,000
er...broken-down boarding house?

905
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:57,240
Madame Fifi is my sister.

906
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:59,040
Pass. Next, please.

907
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:03,240
Let me have a go.  Oh, don't be
ridiculous. What can you do?

908
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,200
Well, at least I can be
a little co-operative.

909
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:08,520
Excuse me.
Could I have a word with you?

910
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:11,520
Oh, but of course. Please go ahead.

911
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:15,200
It's rather personal. Is there
somewhere a little more private?

912
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:17,480
Mmm, with pleasure.

913
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:19,520
This way, please.

914
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:39,600
12:30. She's been gone
for three hours.

915
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:41,560
Well, what could they do to her?

916
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:43,800
Oh, you don't know
these foreign police.

917
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:47,520
I knew a girl once. They got her in
there and shaved all her hair off.

918
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,640
Well, I'm sure she's not having it
off... Or am I?

919
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:58,640
With the compliments
of the Chief of Police.

920
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:00,840
Hey, what a feast!

921
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:04,560
We're not getting out, though.
Who wants to now?

922
01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:11,680
Miss Plunkett! Are you all right?

923
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:13,720
Why, yes. I think so, Mr Farquhar.

924
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:17,600
You swine! What have you been doing
to her?  Don't tell him.

925
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:21,400
Do not worry, Mr Farquhar. I wish to
tell you that you are free to go.

926
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,760
Don't you dare threaten me. I'll...
Free to...? Oh.

927
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,040
If you are prepared to pay
for the damages,

928
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:30,080
then I am not going
to bring any charges.

929
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,040
Just when I was enjoying myself.

930
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:58,360
Welcoming back,
ladies and gentlemens.

931
01:03:58,360 --> 01:04:01,160
Tonight I am making for you
great ravings-up,

932
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:04,040
for cheerings-up
and raising the low spirits!

933
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,160
No?

934
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:16,720
Erm...have you seen my wife
anywhere?

935
01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:18,520
No, sirs.

936
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,040
Giorgio, you seeing Mrs Blunt?

937
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,920
Not since this morning.

938
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:25,640
Well, is our room key there?

939
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:28,400
Oh, no, sir. Is gone.

940
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:30,480
Giorgio, did you give it to her?

941
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:32,920
Not half, Papa.

942
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:34,960
(HUMS A ROMANTIC TUNE)

943
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,360
(CHUCKLES)

944
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:52,800
"Liquera por l'amoura."
Let's have a go.

945
01:04:57,240 --> 01:04:59,280
(BELCHES AND SPLUTTERS)

946
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,640
Oh, there you are, Stanley.

947
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:10,320
All right, all right!
I'll do all the talking.

948
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:15,600
It was all my fault. I told them
to leave without you last night,

949
01:05:15,600 --> 01:05:18,120
and what's more,
I'm damn glad that I did it.

950
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,160
Oh, so am I, dear.
Have some champagne.

951
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:25,200
I don't care about... Champagne?
It's wonderful stuff, Stanley.

952
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:28,680
What are you talking about?
Didn't you hear what I said?

953
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:31,280
It was all my fault
that you were left behind.

954
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:34,040
All right, dear. I forgive you.

955
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:38,920
I don't want to be forgiven.
Then what do you want, dear?

956
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:40,920
I want to bloody well
assert my manhood!

957
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:43,480
Oh, splendid, Stanley.

958
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:47,000
All right, then.

959
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:55,960
What is it, dear?

960
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:59,840
I've forgotten what you do.

961
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:03,120
I'm furious.
Absolutely beside myself.

962
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:05,160
Yeah. Best place for you.

963
01:06:05,160 --> 01:06:07,200
Look, I'm warning you, Nicholas.

964
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:10,520
If you take that little strumpet
to the party, I shall...

965
01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:13,960
I shall take my ankle bracelet back.
Besides, you've never worn it.

966
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:15,960
Oh, come on. We'll have some fun.

967
01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:19,840
For the last time, Bert Conway,
will you please get out of my room?

968
01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:22,560
What's wrong? Why won't you come
to the party with me?

969
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:25,320
Because you only want one thing
from me.

970
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:27,760
That's not true.
I'm quite happy to have the lot.

971
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:31,400
Don't you understand? I don't want
just a quick roll in the hay.

972
01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:33,560
I need something
that's going to last.

973
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:37,600
Who says it's not going to last?
We don't go home till tomorrow.

974
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:40,120
Get out! Get out!

975
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,720
Get out!
No, no...

976
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:47,680
Don't you dare come back!
No, I was just...

977
01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,400
Can I believe my ears?

978
01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:54,240
You see nothing wrong or sinful
in taking this girl to the party?

979
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:57,360
Well, I don't know if it's going
to be sinful until I try.

980
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:01,280
Isn't it enough
you got into a fight over her?

981
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:05,240
You spent the night in prison.  Oh,
I want far more than that.  What?!

982
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:08,280
Er...I mean...I...

983
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:12,840
I like her well enough
to...get married.

984
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,080
Brother Bernard...

985
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:17,160
aren't you forgetting?

986
01:07:17,160 --> 01:07:19,440
You are promised to our order.

987
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:21,960
You are going to be wedded
to St Cecilia.

988
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:26,720
From what I saw of her in the tomb I
don't think she'd make a good wife.

989
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:55,160
Carnival Night! Champagne punches.

990
01:07:55,160 --> 01:07:58,600
Now he's the Richard Burton
of Elsbels!

991
01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:05,240
Listen, Floella, Mamas. I only
trying to send them home happilies.

992
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:07,480
We wanting them to remember
this holidays.

993
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:09,880
Oh, they'll remember it, all right.

994
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:12,840
The only hotel with a night
in prison thrown in!

995
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:15,760
Is not my fault!

996
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:20,120
So, getting on with the work,
and shutting cakes' holes.

997
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:27,240
Good evening.
(DULLY) How do you do?

998
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,560
Well, well,
the fun's really started, eh?

999
01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:41,680
Oh. Ah, this is splendid, isn't it?

1000
01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:45,240
Oh, Monsieur Pepe has really
surpassed himself with this buffet.

1001
01:08:45,240 --> 01:08:47,040
Yeah. Pity none of it's eatable.

1002
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:50,000
Oh, I don't know... Come, come.
It's really quite good.

1003
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,960
Moira, dear, a lot depends on the
report they give when they get back.

1004
01:08:55,960 --> 01:08:58,080
For goodness' sake, do something
to brighten it up.

1005
01:08:58,080 --> 01:08:59,920
Whoopee.

1006
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:06,120
Oh, food. I could do with some,
after all that romping about.

1007
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:09,320
Vic, I think I'd like a roll.
Great. Let's go upstairs.

1008
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:12,080
I mean a sausage roll.
Oh! Heurghh-heurghh!

1009
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:25,760
Ladies and gentlemens,
champagne punchings!

1010
01:09:25,760 --> 01:09:28,440
Ho-ho! Helping selves.

1011
01:09:28,440 --> 01:09:32,240
Well, thank you, Monsieur Pepe.
What a splendid idea.

1012
01:09:32,240 --> 01:09:35,480
I'll get them.
You finish your sandwich.

1013
01:09:44,400 --> 01:09:47,560
Personally, I've always found
Scotland very exciting.

1014
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,240
The swirl of the kilt, the sporran.

1015
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:52,440
Like to try the punch, love?

1016
01:09:52,440 --> 01:09:55,560
Oh, might as well, I suppose.
That's my girl.

1017
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,400
Is it any good?
I bleedin' hope so, mate.

1018
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:26,000
Oooh!

1019
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:39,680
Hello, Mr Tuttle.
How lovely to see you again.

1020
01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:45,160
It's nice to see so much of you,
Mrs Tomkins. May I call you Sadie?

1021
01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:47,320
So...

1022
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:50,640
Would you care for a glass of punch?
Oh, I'd love some.

1023
01:10:50,640 --> 01:10:53,480
I'll get it.
Oh, thank you.

1024
01:11:01,080 --> 01:11:03,880
Ah, good evening, gentlemens.

1025
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:07,400
Please, having good times,
and letting hairs down.

1026
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:11,560
Maybe a little
champagne punchings, yes?

1027
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:15,800
Oh, could we, Brother Martin,
as it's our last night?

1028
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:19,160
Oh, well, perhaps it won't do any
harm. But only one, mind.

1029
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,840
Thank you.

1030
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:24,240
At least it might help to wash down
that wretched food.

1031
01:11:24,240 --> 01:11:26,280
Get stuffings.

1032
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:30,040
Sorry I'm late, love.
It's all right.

1033
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,960
Excuse me.

1034
01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:38,000
Do you mind?

1035
01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:42,680
Manners!
Manners yourself.

1036
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:47,880
Thank you, Brother Paul.

1037
01:12:04,200 --> 01:12:06,040
All gone!

1038
01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:17,520
Don't tell me they enjoy the party.

1039
01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:20,400
Enjoying it? It's going like bombs!

1040
01:12:31,240 --> 01:12:32,960
All right?

1041
01:12:55,920 --> 01:12:58,880
Hey! More champers! Good old Pepe.

1042
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,320
Or is it Mario? Ha-ha-ha!

1043
01:13:01,320 --> 01:13:04,720
Is good punchings, yes?
Splendid. Splendid.

1044
01:13:04,720 --> 01:13:08,400
And while we're on the subject of
quality, I want you to know, Pepe,

1045
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:13,760
that this is without doubt the
crummiest hotel I've ever stayed in.

1046
01:13:18,680 --> 01:13:19,760
(GROANS)

1047
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:24,960
Pepe! Pepe!

1048
01:13:26,080 --> 01:13:27,960
Pepe, come quick!

1049
01:13:27,960 --> 01:13:30,840
What's the mattering now?
She sounds distressed.

1050
01:13:30,840 --> 01:13:33,480
She's probably tried
some of her own cooking!

1051
01:13:33,480 --> 01:13:35,520
Is eating like a pig! Ha-ha!

1052
01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:38,160
All right, all right! Is coming.

1053
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,560
(LAUGHING)
She's tried her own cooking!

1054
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:46,480
Ha-ha! What's the mattering? Mices?
Look!

1055
01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:52,160
Santa Cecilia!

1056
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:55,160
I say! You seem
to have sprung a leak.

1057
01:13:56,800 --> 01:13:59,840
I knew it was mistake
to build on dry riverbeds.

1058
01:13:59,840 --> 01:14:02,440
No wonder company
getting land so cheap.

1059
01:14:02,440 --> 01:14:05,760
Don't just stand there!
Do somethings.

1060
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:07,760
What can I doing?

1061
01:14:07,760 --> 01:14:10,240
Plug it! Oh, plug it.

1062
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:13,080
Oh, I say, I say!
Watch the language.

1063
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:17,120
I make like little boy in Hollands.
I sticking thing in.

1064
01:14:17,120 --> 01:14:20,600
Oh! He'll need
an awfully large thing!

1065
01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:29,640
That's it! I've done it.

1066
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:32,880
I'm sure the little Dutch boy
didn't do it like that!

1067
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:34,760
(BOTH LAUGH)

1068
01:14:34,760 --> 01:14:37,520
Oh, Mr. Pepe,
you're wetting your trousers!

1069
01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:39,680
Wouldn't you in the same situations?

1070
01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:44,360
Oh, come on, Stuart.
We're missing all the fun.

1071
01:14:44,360 --> 01:14:46,400
Oh, yes. Excuse us, Monsieur Pepe.

1072
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,720
I'm sure we can rely on you to keep
your end up! Ah-ha-ha!

1073
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:54,000


1074
01:15:10,720 --> 01:15:13,280
SINGING STOPS

1075
01:15:13,280 --> 01:15:15,480
Hooray!
Here.

1076
01:15:15,480 --> 01:15:18,440
Now give us
Twas On The Good Ship Venus!

1077
01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:22,160
I'm sorry,
but I don't know the music.

1078
01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:29,680
Oh, our lovely hostess.

1079
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:33,040
A drink for our hostess.
I don't want drink, thank you.

1080
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:35,840
Nonsense. You must have a drink.

1081
01:15:35,840 --> 01:15:39,600
Everybody must have a drink
with Floella.

1082
01:16:07,840 --> 01:16:08,920
(LAUGHS)

1083
01:16:31,160 --> 01:16:33,000
Phew, it's hot.

1084
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:35,640
Would you like to go
onto the terrace for some air?

1085
01:16:35,640 --> 01:16:37,680
Ooh, that's a good idea.

1086
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:55,680
Ah, come on.

1087
01:16:57,880 --> 01:17:01,480
Stopping the music!
Stopping the musics!

1088
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:04,320
Helpings, not dancing. Helpings.

1089
01:17:04,320 --> 01:17:06,760
Please, helping, someone.

1090
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:08,400
What?
Doh.

1091
01:17:08,400 --> 01:17:12,080
Giorgio! Giorgio, help. The water
is getting underneath the...

1092
01:17:12,080 --> 01:17:14,400
Please! We were talking.
Sorries.

1093
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:16,680
Now, where was I?
About your 'amsters.

1094
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:19,640
Oh, yes, 'amsters. No! Hamsters.

1095
01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:23,040
You'd never believe it,
but...11 times in one night!

1096
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:24,880
Is unbelievable!

1097
01:17:24,880 --> 01:17:27,880
Oh, yes, it is. But you see,
they're always escaping.

1098
01:17:27,880 --> 01:17:30,920
I say, if I were to tell you...

1099
01:17:34,480 --> 01:17:37,840
Please, Mr Conways. I am worried
about the foundations.

1100
01:17:37,840 --> 01:17:40,320
Oh, that's all right.
She's not wearing any.

1101
01:17:40,320 --> 01:17:42,440
No, no, in case
they are falling out.

1102
01:17:42,440 --> 01:17:46,880
Oh, don't you worry, son. If they
do, I'll stuff 'em back in!

1103
01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:49,800
Why is nobody listening?

1104
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:55,200
Mr Blunts, you look like a man
who is ready to do somethings.

1105
01:17:55,200 --> 01:17:58,240
Funny you should say that.
I was just telling the wife!

1106
01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:01,560
Oh, Stanley! He's trying to get me
upstairs, Monsieur Pepe.

1107
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:04,880
No, no, I show you.
On the kitchen floor.

1108
01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:07,960
I say, steady on, old chap.
Remember: we're British.

1109
01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:10,000
I don't know, though. Cwoarghh!

1110
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:12,480
Ohhh! Cwoarghh?!

1111
01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:16,960
Oh! Please, Mr Flange,
you coming with me.

1112
01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:19,000
Where to?
We're having a leak.

1113
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:22,560
I don't want one.  No, we're having
one below. I show it to you.

1114
01:18:22,560 --> 01:18:26,160
He doesn't want to see it.
You're mad! Crazy.

1115
01:18:27,640 --> 01:18:30,000
I always knew he was a flash type.

1116
01:18:30,000 --> 01:18:35,160
Ah, Mr Far-key-arse.
Ah, Mr Pepe. Enjoying yourself?

1117
01:18:35,160 --> 01:18:38,960
Oh, yes, I'm having a smashing time.
I'm having a ball!

1118
01:18:38,960 --> 01:18:40,720
Oh, I'm not doing so badly myself!

1119
01:18:40,720 --> 01:18:43,400
I think you should be going
up the stairs.

1120
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:47,440
Don't be disgusting.
Oh, I think it's a wonderful idea.

1121
01:18:47,440 --> 01:18:51,640
Oh, I'm not standing any more! All
you English thinking about is sex.

1122
01:18:51,640 --> 01:18:55,040
Oh, nonsense.
What's that? Excusings.

1123
01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:58,560
These foreigners!
They're so damned excitable.

1124
01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:00,520
They're mad.

1125
01:19:03,560 --> 01:19:07,720
How about it? Shall we go upstairs?
Why not?

1126
01:19:07,720 --> 01:19:10,240
(LAUGHS)

1127
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:14,680
Helps!

1128
01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:17,800
You mads!

1129
01:19:17,800 --> 01:19:21,400
Good night, old boy.
Good night. Goodbyes.

1130
01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:24,320
He's drunk again!

1131
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:28,720
Well, now, Monsieur Pepe. What was
it you wanted to talk to me about?

1132
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:32,840
Oh, Mr Tuttles, thank you very much.
Thank you. Help!

1133
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:48,520
How about it, love? Want a nightcap?

1134
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:51,000
No, thanks.
I couldn't take another drop.

1135
01:19:51,000 --> 01:19:52,440
Right. Let's go upstairs.

1136
01:20:00,680 --> 01:20:02,520
I say, old chap.
Do you need any help?

1137
01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:06,680
Help? Why should I need helpings?
I'm having funs. Ha-ha-ha!

1138
01:20:09,040 --> 01:20:11,800
I say, Stanley. There's a hole.

1139
01:20:11,800 --> 01:20:14,160
So there is. That's bad, isn't it?

1140
01:20:14,160 --> 01:20:20,080
No, no, not to worrying. It's mices.
We having very big mices here.

1141
01:20:20,080 --> 01:20:23,600
I think we'd better go to bed.
That's a rather good idea.

1142
01:20:23,600 --> 01:20:26,520
Monsieur Pepe, I may have
to complain about this.

1143
01:20:26,520 --> 01:20:28,760
They didn't tell us
that you had mices.

1144
01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:33,720
Yes. You complaining about the mices
and the whole hotel is falling down!

1145
01:20:33,720 --> 01:20:37,880
Can we go up now, Bert?
It's been a lovely evening.

1146
01:20:37,880 --> 01:20:41,840
Might as well. Things seem to be
breaking up, anyway.

1147
01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:54,320
Ha-ha-ha!

1148
01:20:54,320 --> 01:20:57,920
Open the windows, love,
and let's get a bit of air.

1149
01:20:57,920 --> 01:21:00,640
Right. That's a good idea.
Won't be long.

1150
01:21:05,520 --> 01:21:07,160
I forgot!

1151
01:21:08,640 --> 01:21:10,280
Ha-ha-ha!

1152
01:21:11,840 --> 01:21:14,200
Aaaah-ha-ha-ha!

1153
01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:20,280
They've put the bloody glass in!
Aaaah-ha-ha-ha!

1154
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:29,280
It's going to be a bit
of a tight squeeze!

1155
01:21:29,280 --> 01:21:31,000
(BOTH LAUGH)

1156
01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:32,480
Room for one on top, eh?

1157
01:21:33,880 --> 01:21:35,560
Standing room only!

1158
01:21:49,520 --> 01:21:52,560
Oh, God! I give up.

1159
01:21:52,560 --> 01:21:56,640
No, you're not getting off the hook
that easily!

1160
01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:06,720
KNOCK AT DOOR

1161
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:08,680
Oh, it's all right, Bert.
You can come in.

1162
01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:25,840
What's going on out there?

1163
01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:36,360
Bert? Are you all right?

1164
01:22:40,680 --> 01:22:43,440
Fine. Just fine.

1165
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:01,120
Oh, do hurry up, darling.

1166
01:23:01,120 --> 01:23:02,640
Coming.

1167
01:23:02,640 --> 01:23:04,760
Stand by to repel boarders!

1168
01:23:04,760 --> 01:23:06,520
(WHINNIES)

1169
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:14,400
(COUGHS)

1170
01:23:18,680 --> 01:23:23,280
That does it! Everybody out!
Everyone out! Abandoning hotel.

1171
01:23:24,840 --> 01:23:27,600
Evacuating. Everybody leaving.

1172
01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:29,360
Abandon the hotel! Leaving!

1173
01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:35,440
Out! Out! Out!

1174
01:23:40,040 --> 01:23:43,400
FARQUHAR: I don't know where we are!
I can't see where we are.

1175
01:23:59,880 --> 01:24:02,400
Cor! Get off.

1176
01:24:02,400 --> 01:24:04,360
How do you do?
Hello, Harry. Usual?

1177
01:24:04,360 --> 01:24:08,160
Yes, please. I know what I meant to
ask: How did the holiday go?

1178
01:24:08,160 --> 01:24:12,080
Oh, great. Went with a bang. Had
a smashing time, didn't we, love?

1179
01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:15,160
Yes, I can honestly say I've never
had one quite like it.

1180
01:24:15,160 --> 01:24:17,160
(BOTH LAUGH)

1181
01:24:17,160 --> 01:24:19,640
What...what's the joke, then?
Private.

1182
01:24:19,640 --> 01:24:22,240
Oh, hey, private! Cheers.

1183
01:24:22,240 --> 01:24:25,120
Aaaarghh!

1184
01:24:25,120 --> 01:24:27,920
Could I have another one, please?

1185
01:24:27,920 --> 01:24:29,960
Ha-ha! Well, here we are, then!

1186
01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:37,960
Come on in.

1187
01:24:37,960 --> 01:24:41,120
Hello, my darling.
Hello. Isn't he here, Vic?

1188
01:24:41,120 --> 01:24:43,560
Of course he is.
I promised to look after him.

1189
01:24:43,560 --> 01:24:46,800
Stu! Somebody to see you.
Oh, you!

1190
01:24:46,800 --> 01:24:49,400
Moira!

1191
01:24:49,400 --> 01:24:53,040
Right, well, what's it to be, then?
I tell you what: champagne.

1192
01:24:53,040 --> 01:24:56,920
And put a drop of this in it, will
you?  Oh, what a wonderful idea!

1193
01:24:56,920 --> 01:25:01,040
Oh, no! Lock all the doors.
Time, gentlemen, please!

1194
01:25:03,280 --> 01:25:05,320
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